


Three Steps Backward

by canihaspie



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M, horrible bad writing, kinda angsty, not edited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-04
Updated: 2013-05-03
Packaged: 2017-12-10 08:18:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/783878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canihaspie/pseuds/canihaspie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John receives a text. He hasn't received a text in over a year. <br/>[A bit of angst.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Steps Backward

**Author's Note:**

> Well, let's just say that I spent less than an hour writing this, so it's kind of horrible. There are probably tense issues, and definitely sudden changes in tone that are horrible and bad but yes if you'd like to read go ahead. Also weird characterization.

John feels a strange buzzing in his pocket. He realizes after a couple of seconds that he’s got a text. No one texts him anymore. His therapist always calls. Lestrade randomly stops by 221B. He supposes he’s too much of a-- a suicide risk. Random visits are probably some part of a convoluted plan Lestrade has. John’s left hand fumbles to get his phone out of his pocket. He leans heavily on his cane as he turns on the phone to read the message.

Take 3 steps back. -SH

John feels like he’s hallucinating. He knows he’s hallucinating. Why else would he be seeing a text from Sherlock. He looks back down at the phone. It’s still there. He pinches himself, knowing full well what little effect this can have, but just hoping that maybe he isn’t going mad and this is all just a dream and he’ll wake up and he’ll still be in bed and not on his way to his therapist’s office and not hallucinating and--

It hurts. The pinch. It hurts, but he’s still in the same London street, the same light mist falling and the same hand still trembling. And it hurts. It really does. Because he knows that he’s falling into madness, just like Sherlock fell, down, down, down, down, and he knows the only way he’ll hit the ground like Sherlock did is once he dies and somehow he feels like that’s the best option. No one wants to be suspended in infinity forever, not even the “war hero” John Watson. _Don’t make people into heroes John. Heroes don’t exist and if they did I wouldn’t be one of them._

No. He needs to walk away from here. Maybe some oxygen. Oxygen is good. _Breathing is boring._

John mentally screams at the Sherlock inside his head. Because Sherlock isn’t coming back, and he’s dead, and he saw him lying on the London pavement, and his life is over, he’s not coming back, _he’s not coming back_ , he’s. not. coming. back. _Back. Three steps._

John finally decides that if he’s going to go mad, he might as go mad all the way. At least hallucinations about Sherlock would be better than missing him so much. He turns around-- a quick, crisp maneuver-- and walks forward three steps.

In the corner of the tube overhang, behind the turnstiles, stands Sherlock Holmes. He’s carrying (and hawking, no doubt) a handful of books. A flicker in his eyes indicate that he sees John looking at him, and soon enough he’s coming out the exit turnstile and walking towards him.

John doesn’t know whether to run, cry, scream, or laugh. He wants to run-- run far away because he knows this can’t be real and he can try so hard to make it real, but it never will be. So he’ll make himself stop hallucinating. He’ll continue calmly to his therapist and tell her that he’s hallucinating and that he just wants it to stop. He wants to cry, cry because he knows Sherlock’s dead, he just knows it. He wants to scream, because Sherlock hurt him _so bloody much_ , and if he’s alive he doesn’t know if he wants to punch him or hug him or both because he misses him but John hates Sherlock for making him miss him. He wants to laugh, because he’s being ridiculous and absurd and why is he even bothering with this anymore?

“Hello, John,” says Sherlock, almost offhandedly, almost as if he hadn’t driven his friend into depression for the past three years and caused his limp to come back and caused his nightmares to return with a vengeance.

John just stares.


End file.
